You hurt me. I told you from the start I don’t want this if you aren’t ready. You assured me you where. Weeks down the line, you tell me you’re not. You begin to ignore me, and come to find out its because your talking to your ex again. Your ex: who none of your friends liked, because she doesn’t allow you to see or speak to them. Who went to your house at 3am banging on your door when you obviously weren’t home. Causing problems between you and your mom. Your mom was upset. She blasted inappropriate pictures of you on Facebook. And caused a ridiculous about of drama for you… and you went back to her. You want to say its love. But if I loved someone as much as you say she loves you- I’d never be able to do all that she did. She’s disrespectful to your family, both immediate and cousins. I dont know how you can live with being with her- after all of that. You said it was real, me and you, but it got too real. You cared so much about me. Missed me as soon as I left you, even if it was just to run to the store. And then you stop. You tell me you can’t. You picked me up, made me super happy, and dropped me on my ass. You thought it was okay to come back asking to chill and shit- knowing I knew you were back with her. Imagine how I felt? You didn’t break my heart, not even close. But you did hurt me. Disappointed once again. So forgive me for laughing when she tried to come at me with nonsense bullshit. I don’t understand how your mind works. But this was your choice. I forgive you but I’ll never forget. You did apologize- but apologies only go so far with me.
Don’t blame yourself, feelings can’t be controlled.
I still blame myself -___-
(Source: pozitivemind, via xtinataughtyou)
I’ll just give you space to think about what you really want. But don’t worry I’ll be here if you need me.
(Source: ayeitsenrique, via dnaxc)
Don’t you hate when you’re at this place in your life, where you completely content with yourself and how things are going for you. You’re single, focusing all your time on you, and enjoying the free time you have with those who truly matter and have always stayed by your side. And then, out of no where, a nice guy comes along and your current routine is all over the place. You’re smiling more than before, happier than ever, stealing some free-time from your friends and family to get to know this person even more. Everything goes good, and some where along the line, things get messy. You begin to be mad at yourself, because you were at a good place in life and let this guy come switch things up. Your friends start to realize that you’re no longer yourself, you’re different. You’re sad all the time, or just down about things. Your emotions begin to take over your body, but you’re still telling everyone you’re happy and okay. Things between you and this guy end or just fade away. And you find yourself in a funk. Now you have to pull yourself out and get back to the place you once were at. But each time you get let down, it’s even harder to find yourself once again. It’s even harder to be completely content with yourself. Because each time you get let down, no matter the reason, you feel like it was your fault, even when it really wasn’t.
After being disappointed so many times, you start to lose hope in everything.
(Source: ohmyitsnaanncy, via dnaxc)
2 weeks.
After about five months without caring for someone or talking to someone, you forget how good that initial feeling is when meeting someone new.
I met you.
I met you at a time where I was very content with myself and my life. I was very comfortable with myself. I was happy for where I was at this point, and hadn’t realized how much happier I could be. You came out of no where. No where. Kind of like a hopeless place.
I was intrigued by the conversations we’d have. They weren’t your typical, “where you from”, “why are you single”, etc. mumbo-jumbo. They were legit, meaningful, purposeful, and lively conversations. From family, to friends, to our lives at this point, to school, work, what we want to do in 5 years, where we want to be in 10 years, etc. I swear you looked deep inside of me to figure me out.
All it took was 2 weeks. 2 weeks. 2 weeks to feel this amazing hopeful cloud over me. But in those 2 weeks, it took 4 days for that hopeful cloud to turn into a hopeless cloud.
I’d text. I’d call. I’d be sad, mad, angry, and lonely. I could feel my body changing moods as each moment passed. I could feel my mind banging walls. I could feel my heart loosing hope.
All I wanted was to be able to talk to you. To ask you why. Why. Why. Why did you want to be more than what we were? Why did you want me to be your girlfriend? If you knew you weren’t ready for a relationship just yet. I understand that. But as I tried to get this answer, you didn’t understand what I needed or would get out of talking to you. Then I realized, you’re only thinking of yourself.
I got hit from left field. You made me smile even when I didn’t want to. I had hope like no other. Then you let me down, disappointed me, and sent on the craziest roller coaster of my life. But in the end of it all, I can proudly say that I am still smiling. I am still happy. I am still content. I am still me. And everything you did, just made me that much stronger.
